.:  my little brother andrew is in alaska.  i miss him.  he would be pissed that i just called him my "little" brother.

.:  i know it looks like i haven't written here since last year, but i find more and more that my entries are meant to be private.

.:  but i'm in chicago, and loving it, for the most part.  i definitely don't have enough work to do at the moment, though, and consequently i am bored and a little down and therefore typing  pointlessly.  maybe soon i'll do something spectacular enough to write about it here on my public journal.

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.:  the job search has commenced.  out of four places i applied to last saturday, i've gotten two responses.  one on monday, setting up the phone interview i had today, and another today, after my phone interview.  the interview went...  what?  better than i expected, i guess.  i am underqualified for the position but the AD seemed to really like me  - we just clicked on a lot of things and i think she's as excited about my passion and philosophy as I am about hers.   so, anyway, i'm underqualified, but she's considering me anyway!  she's calling my references and getting back to me next week.  i can't believe it; that i made such a good impression that even though i may not have the experience or expertise for the job, she wants me.  i feel so  wired i could dance.

.:  mr. geoffrey called me today and may just drive over for some drinks.  that'd be too sweet.  i really miss the guys from home and i wish i could go back more to hang out.  especially knowing that i'm graduating soon and leaving (hopefully with a job!)... but since i am graduating soon, i have so much shit to do that my weekends are just as booked as the rest of my days.  that's why i haven't been updating:  i'm doing shit during my free time.  this week has just been so great though, that i had to take note of it.

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.: ... was ridiculous.  some people take theatre way too seriously. 

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.:  the last two mornings i have woken up with every intention of getting right up out of bed and somehow, inexplicably, i've managed to fall back asleep for three hours.  how are you awake and then instantly back asleep for three hours straight?  i think i'm subconsciously hiding from christmas.  i'm not really safe until after saturday, when my brothers and i "have christmas" with our father and his wife.  that's a whole seven days of christmas this year.  ok, yes.  obviously, it's not christmas today.  but it is here, lurking in the dark, flicking its switchblade in anticipation and wiping its runny nose with the back of its grimy hand. 

.:  i am mostly bummed about all the misspent time.  and all the people i haven't gotten to be with because of all the people i had to be with for christmas.  and the major loss of money on rent and my car's transmission going out.  but going on about it now would just be complaining.


.:  i really hope you all had a great christmas with the people you wanted to be with and that you got something you wanted to get and that your cars didn't die. 

.:  17 days left until break is over.

fuck you too, Christmas.  you bitch.

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.:  guess i needed some sunlight.

i want to leave.  i want to be gone.

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.:  hung out with ben this afternoon and had another great conversation about the state of society and the educational system and the government and what to change and how.  i miss this thinking-beyond.  these discussions of future.  i am firmly convinced it is possible.  not only that, it's a responsibility.  i need to write this out; create  a manifesto.  for this to succeed it has to be organized and thoroughly planned.  look me up, i'll be making history.  i expect nothing less from myself. 

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.: what a fucking beautiful day!  i needed to retreat.  the alone time while driving was good but what really made my day was being with people who were thrilled to be with me and i with them; i feel refreshed now.  and the sky tonight -- so clear!  the constellations are amazing and the moon is in this wicked slim curve like a claw, and sort of reddish ...  i feel inspired and i feel one with Everything Good.  if i wasn't sober right now i'd probably be exploring the mysteries of existence, but as it is i am worn out and satisfied and going to bed.

.:  i hope you are all experiencing the good karma too.

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.:  i got a lot accomplished today; it was great!  i am so awake and hyper again, and it's 3:15.  i like creating models.  i wish i was better at it, but it sure is fun.  and especially to have that time with friends.  3 am didn't even feel late.

.:  i've been finding that i'm not busy so i have time for people and so they take it and it's nice but then i'm busy.   it's great to have my schedule full because i have plans with friends.  it's also a huge confidence boost for me because, of course, it's good to know that people want to spend time with me, and will, when i "let" them.  it's also a different quality of time because i've been able to relax and hang out instead of sitting there fretting about all the things i have overdue.  it's satisfying.